Sunday, April 23, 2006

 

'wiches and Bitches

Previously on Top Chef: Ted Allen hosted a dinner party. Miguel screwed up the beets. Tiffani was willing to boot Miguel. Miguel hissed at Tiffani. Dave cried a lot. Andrea didn't care about impressing the judges, so she got the boot.

Tiffani thinks Miguel can't handle the truth. Miguel recognizes that the competition is getting tougher, and he'll just have to be tougher. Dave figures Tiffani and Miguel will be going all out now, so he needs to get a win and boost his confidence.

QuickFire Challenge: Katie and Chef Tom await. I hate Katie's outfit. There's another array of ingredients strewn about the kitchen, but no prices this time. Chef Tom does a little self-promotion. From all the blinking, I suspect he's not entirely comfortable with it. He has a casual dining concept called 'wichcraft and they're opening a restaurant in San Francisco. The challenge is to design a sandwich for 'wichcraft. The winning chef does not get immunity; instead, the sandwich will be added to the 'wichcraft menu. They have 30 minutes. And go!

Miguel interviews that everyone was worried about the lack of immunity this late in the game. Tiffani thinks a spot on the menu is a cool prize. Lee Anne figures it will be tough to impress Chef Tom. Miguel knows he needs a comeback. Harold has been to the New York 'wichcraft several times, so he's familiar with the menu and he knows what will fit in. Stephen is working on a brunch sandwich. Dave has no patience with foofy brunch sandwiches. Tiffani warns him to watch his bacon. Time ticks down as everyone rushes to finish. Miguel is sure he has the most creative sandwich.

Chef Tom liked the big flavors in Dave's sandwich, Stephen's flavors didn't come together, Harold made a good call with the mortadella but he should have put his garnish grapes into the sandwich, and Miguel could have won if he had just used some bread. Chef Tom could use a good vegetarian sandwich. But since Miguel biffed it, Harold gets the win. The others clap. Harold interviews that he's happy about the win, but he'd rather have immunity. Miguel thanks Chef Tom for the almost win, because he's now a big camera hog. He's disappointed that he didn't win because his sandwich was far and away the best. Except for the not actually being a sandwich part.

Elimination Challenge: Yet another team challenge, this time to create a restaurant concept. Their empty restaurant has two dining rooms, so each team will get one. They have to come up with a name and a menu. Red team: Dave, Harold, Tiffani. Blue team: Lee Anne, Miguel, Stephen. Tiffani interviews that she'd rather swap Dave for Lee Anne; Dave is hard to work with because he makes everything personal. Lee Anne figures she's screwed. Chef Tom works in a product-placement for their rides (blink, blink) and off they go.

In the product-placed vehicles, the teams brainstorm. Tiffani wants to make it clear up front that nobody should take anything personally. Yeah, that's gonna work. It's nice that she's trying to address their different styles, but basically saying "Adjust to my way of doing things" is not going to get results. Especially since she starts ignoring Dave's input. The most basic courtesy you can extend to people is to recognize their existence. If you can't manage to do that while working, you need to improve your people skills. Although I suspect she has already exceeded her recommended daily quota of Dave.

In the other car, Miguel is starting to brainstorm the menu when the others say, "Whoa, concept first." Stephen wants to go cutting edge, which means Spain. Lee Anne was also thinking Spain. Miguel makes some more menu suggestions. It quickly becomes clear that they meant Spain as in "European" rather than "Latin" or "Hispanic," which leaves Miguel with not a lot to offer. Mr. Cutting Edge isn't sure if gazpacho is Spanish.

At the restaurant, Chef Tom explains how the challenge will work. Thirty guests will arrive at the space and they'll choose one of the concepts. The chefs will be judged on the customers' feedback, as well as the ambience, teamwork and, of course, the food. Chef Tom takes them to look over the dining areas. Everyone is feeling a little overwhelmed by the challenge of creating a restaurant out of the raw space. They have tables and chairs, but that's about it.

Dave describes their space as a "(bleep)ing (bleep)hole" and Harold cracks up. It's wicked cute. Harold interviews that Tiffani supplied the name "American Workshop," which he loves. Tiffani wants it to be a greatest hits of American cooking, distinguished by execution. Dave will handle the front of the house while Tiffani and Harold cook. Dave explains how he wants the tables to go and the others agree. Harold interviews that they're doing family style service, which will make things easier on Dave. Dave acknowledges that Tiffani is the leader, but he has the experience running a restaurant. Tiffani thinks they'll be doomed if Dave psyches himself out, but at least they don't have to deal with Stephen.

Miguel interviews that their restaurant is named "Sabor," which is the Spanish word for taste or flavor. Stephen will handle the front of the house while Lee Anne and Miguel cook. Stephen thinks their concept will be distinguished by their style and "esoteric technique." Yummy. He warns the others that he'll be "yapping" about the wine all night, like they couldn't have guessed. Then he disses the other team's set up, because we can't have a challenge without Stephen feeling superior to the competition. He thinks Dave's style is ordinary, while his is more refined.

The next day, everyone goes shopping at Bryan's. Each team has $1000 for the project. The blue team has reserved $500 for food. Lee Anne sends Miguel to price red snapper and mussels at the fishmonger down the street. Miguel interviews that there's no room for error with the budget. Stephen keeps wanting to buy fancy ingredients, and Lee Anne shuts him down. Tiffani wants a smart hour of shopping rather than a rushed hour. Miguel reports that the snapper is $7.99 a pound, so Lee Anne authorizes him to get another pound. She was expecting it to run more like $16 a pound. Miguel comes back with the fish and Lee Anne discovers that the price is actually $17.99 a pound, which is quite different. Miguel's like, "Oops, made a mistake." Off her glare, he finally offers to take it back. Lee Anne interviews that she's teamed with "the big thinker and the no-thinker." And she's usually quite the optimist, so you know it just sucks to be her right now.

Everyone brings foodstuffs back to the restaurant. Stephen interviews that their menu was rather ambitious, so there was a lot of work to do. Tiffani tells Dave not to cut the onions, but he says Harold wanted them quartered. Tiffani proposes leaving them whole. Dave interviews that Tiffani is very opinionated and he feels shut out. He's letting her run with it, though, because if they lose, he's going to sink her with the "failed leadership" torpedo of righteousness. Lee Anne interviews that Stephen didn't really check in with his team. He's off in the dining room, futzing around. Lee Anne thinks whatever Miguel is making is salty. Miguel doesn't like being micromanaged, but he's going along with it because Lee Anne has a clear idea of what she wants. I suspect Miguel is really more comfortable being bossed around.

Chef Tom drops in. The red team at American Workshop is doing classic American food: tuna tartare, roast chicken with fall vegetables, fruit crisp. The service will be like the food -- unpretentious and approachable. Okay, since when is tuna tartare unpretentious, approachable or classic American? Try pigs in a blanket -- there's some classic Americana. The blue team at Sabor is doing a tribute to Spanish flavors: tapas trio (white gazpacho, bocarones, prosciutto-wrapped stuffed fig), red snapper over a paella cake, olive oil ice cream. Lee Anne and Stephen say the Spain idea was a consensus opinion. Chef Tom asks if anyone has been to Spain. Fortunately, Lee Anne has. Stephen hasn't been to Spain, but he has stood next to Lee Anne, so that's almost as good.

Dave and Stephen go off to Economy Restaurant Supply for tableware. Stephen starts picking out items. Lee Anne interviews that Stephen has expensive taste, but their budget won't accommodate his desires. Dave is his usual price-conscious self. He sends a picture of his proposed wine bucket back to the team. Harold interviews that Dave has a lot of responsibility. Harold knows his limitations; he's a kitchen guy. Tiffani would have liked to work on the decoration, but she's also happy not to be sharing a kitchen with Dave. Dave resents Tiffani's high-handedness some more. On his solo, entirely up to his discretion shopping spree. His shopping comes in at $479.57. Stephen tells the salesguy that he needs to keep it under $400, and is astonished to learn that he's selected over $1000 in merchandise so far. I'm guessing math was not his strong suit. Kinda makes you wonder how he calculated the top three percent.

Dave gets back with 2 hours to spare, but Stephen is still shopping. His team wonders where he is. Stephen returns the gravy boats(?!?) and swaps out some wine glasses for tumblers. Miguel reports that the red team has linen on their tables, while Stephen still isn't back. Lee Anne is seriously annoyed. He finally pulls in with 1 hour to spare. Miguel interviews that Stephen is too detail-oriented.

Katie summons everyone to meet the guest judge, but it turns out introductions are unnecessary -- it's Jeffrey Chodorow, a financier who owns several successful restaurant concepts. Katie explains how things will work: 30 guests arrive and choose a concept; they fill out a survey card before leaving. The judging criteria: the number of customers and the satisfaction of the customers. The most significant contributor on the winning team will accompany Jeffrey and some of his chefs to the Cannes Film Festival. Katie summarizes that "the winning chef will be going to Cannes and somebody else will be getting canned." The chefs manage not to groan.

Back to cooking. Lee Anne discovers that the red snapper wasn't scaled. Miguel is surprised, but he doesn't think it has anything to do with him. I admire Lee Anne's self-discipline, what with the sharp knife in her hand and all. Stephen is doing his version of frantic rushing, which is oddly robotic. Chef Tom gives him a hard time about the state of his space. It looks like Stephen has a helper in the background. Dave is happy that the two restaurants are so completely different. Lee Anne checks with Stephen; he thinks he'll make it. Dave and Stephen hang their menus and the customers arrive.

The American Workshop has brown paper draped along the tables for a homey touch that you never actually see at home. Dave explains the concept to a couple of suits. Stephen lectures a pair of diners about the wine (did you know Stephen is a sommelier?) while a line forms, waiting for seating. Lee Anne needs the food to go out, but Stephen has talking to do. He doesn't need to be hearing demands from the kitchen that he get down to serving. Dave serves some customers and they admire the chicken. Stephen criticizes the warm, welcoming style of the red team; his team was the opposite of that. So, cold and hostile? He wants the food to be the star and everything to focus on that. Which is why he keeps ignoring the food to talk about wine. Some Sabor customers enjoy their long-awaited food. Dave asks a customer for feedback, and she points out that the tuna tartare makes a high-falutin' statement and the rest of the menu is more relaxed, so the whole thing doesn't quite gel. Back in the kitchen, Lee Anne is running out of room for plates.

Stephen seats the judges. Jeffrey has just gotten back from Spain, so he's tickled to be eating Spanish food again. The helper shows up again, pouring water. Stephen babbles to the judges about fish and red wine, like he has anything to tell them that they don't already know. Lee Anne frets that her food is getting cold. Stephen interviews that he knows service was delayed and he found it frustrating, but he kept his composure in front of the customers. Chef Tom finds scales on his fish. Lee Anne is mortified. Katie thinks Stephen's educational treatise is condescending, but Chef Tom is more tolerant of youth. The judges move to American Workshop. Gail and Katie get their own little table. Dave works at making a good impression. The judges start discussing the contrasts.

The survey cards are passed out. The American Workshop customers comment on the disjointed menu and the engaging seating arrangements. Stephen interviews that Sabor served 17 people to American Workshop's 13, so they were clearly superior. A woman who's either a drag queen or a smoker of very long standing enjoyed Sabor's complexity; a man is iffy because he thinks service is important. Tiffani thinks Cannes would be nice, but the real prize is not going home. Stephen is, as always, confident of success.

Judges' table: Katie asks the guest judge to start. Jeffrey likes the stark contrast between the ideas. Chef Tom agrees that it comes down to execution. He doesn't like how American Workshop switched from family-style service to individual service halfway through the menu; he wants consistency. Gail points out that Sabor customers had a long wait between courses. She thinks something must have gone wrong in the kitchen, but Chef Tom says it could also mean the kitchen wasn't getting cues from the dining room.

Katie summons the red team. Miguel wonders if they're taking the losers first now. Stephen is sure they must be. Roast chicken is ordinary, but their food was "fly." The red team is vastly relieved to learn they won. High-fives all around. They got 26 out of 30 points -- customers loved the food, loved Dave, loved the family style service. Jeffrey wants to know why they think they should go to Cannes. Tiffani says that she has nutured the name for five years, and she gave it over to the contest. She compliments the others for their contributions, but she thinks she could have done their jobs just as well. Dave says that his contribution was integrity, and he excelled at creating a great experience for the customers. While Tiffani had the vision thing, no one can fill every role in a team of three. Tiffani starts to say something, but stops as Dave continues. He tells her that he's talking now, and she agrees. He's tired of hearing her talk. She says go ahead. So he goes ahead. "I also didn't bash you," she interrupts. Dave protests that she was constantly bashing him, telling him not to touch things. Tiffani wonders when she said that, and he says it was all the time. Finally, the long-awaited, much-anticipated "I'm not your bitch, bitch." Tiffani is surprised by the animosity. Chef Tom brings it back to the original question: Why should you be the one to go to Cannes? They're curious to hear what Harold has to offer now. Harold takes himself out of the running; he was just working in the kitchen like he does every night. Jeffrey asks for his choice. Harold loved working with Tiffani, but he chooses Dave for coming through under enormous pressure. Katie tosses it to Jeffrey, who diplomatically says he'd like to take them both. But since they won because of service, Dave gets the win. Katie sends them away; they all thank the judges and go off to give the news to the blue team.

Lee Anne congratulates Dave on the win. Tiffani does a little "Dave's going to France" chant that peters out as the blue team heads off to meet their doom. They get the stink eye from Chef Tom. Jeffrey thinks they had the potential but not the execution. Katie points out that service was a big factor in the results. Stephen protests that they provided an educational experience, and the customers' "eyes widened, their mouths dropped". From delight or utter astonishment? Katie lays it out: the red team scored 26 out of 30; the blue team scored 22. Theory has encountered hard data, and theory's now feeling bruised. Stephen says that he could have gotten the food to the table faster if he hadn't been so busy talking. From the way he says it, he clearly thinks talking was more important. Gail says learning is not the same as satisfaction. Chef Tom points out that the customers are adults who "don't need to be force-fed education." Katie asks Lee Anne what she thinks went wrong. Lee Anne wasn't happy with her team. Miguel didn't know much about Spain, so he was the sous chef. Miguel says he's never been to Spain, and he wasn't able to persuade them to go in a different direction. Chef Tom says the contest isn't "Top Sous Chef." Miguel is proud of his efforts, and whatever happens, happens. Chef Tom asks Lee Anne if she would fire the sous chef, and she says she hasn't really been impressed with his work, so yeah. Miguel's eyes narrow. She apologizes, and Miguel says, "If that's how you feel, that's fine." No hissing? Katies asks Stephen, who thinks Miguel is the weakest of the three. Miguel offers up Stephen, who is front of the house, while Miguel has proven himself in the kitchen. Katie sends them away for the deliberations.

Katie asks who was responsible for the loss. Chef Tom says Lee Anne prepared the menu, and Gail thinks it was a little too ambitious. Jeffrey calls out poor planning. Chef Tom doesn't like Miguel coasting again. Gail doesn't think he's a leader. Katie asks about Stephen. Gail thinks he's too green. Jeffrey observes that Stephen didn't recognize that he was creating a problem; his attitude was that the delay would be worth it because of the education. But Gail just cares about getting her food. Jeffrey says the competition isn't "Top Sommelier" either. They come to a decision.

Lee Anne, Miguel and Stephen return. Chef Tom dings Miguel for coasting, Stephen for not being enough of a chef, and Lee Anne for being a failed leader. Katie boots Miguel. He looks forward to working with them in the future and thanks them for the opportunity. Back in the kitchen, there are hugs. Lee Anne eulogizes that Miguel hasn't found his style yet, but he's a great cook. Miguel even gives Tiffani a big hug. Which is nice, but what happened to war? If you're going to declare war on somebody, then by golly, you should mean it.

Miguel interviews that he's not sure where his career is going, but he's sure success will follow from his passion for food. Let's hope he can remember where he left it.

Did Miguel deserve the boot? I think Stephen should be thanking his lucky stars. He didn't help with the prep work and then he decided that lecturing the customers was more important than feeding them. I'd say he definitely contributed more to the loss than Miguel. So that's clearly not how the judges decided the boot. What saved Stephen is that he took ownership of something. Miguel chose that lame strategy of trying not to lose by ducking responsibility. If he's not responsible for anything, then he can't be held responsible for the loss, so he won't deserve the boot. Except now he's been booted for ducking responsibility. So for all you potential season 2 contestants, the message is clear -- you can't half-ass your way into the finals. You have to produce.

Now Harold also played sous chef. But that seemed more like simple team dynamics -- Tiffani had the vision, so she was in charge, so he took the supporting role. For him, it was the logical thing to do. If Miguel had argued that there's room for only one boss in the kitchen, it might have helped him. But that would require the perspective of a team player, which Miguel lacked. Even if you're a subordinate, you need to give your best to the team. The whole snapper fiasco, from price to scales, showed that Miguel wasn't paying attention to what was needed; he was just following orders. Again, that's refusing to take responsibility.

Controversy: Did the right team win? The red team had higher scores, but the blue team had more customers. Both factors were judging criteria. Since the red team won, satisfaction had more weight than popularity. And yeah, that's probably valid. If you can get people in your restaurant, but only once, you're going to fail. If you have fewer customers but they keep coming back, you have a chance to succeed. Tiffani's concept wasn't cutting edge, but it's always going to appeal to some number of customers. Plus the satisfaction scores reflect what the teams did, rather than what the customers anticipated.

Controversy: Dave or Tiffani? I say both or neither, depending on what's really being asked. Dave is too sensitive and Tiffani is too bossy. The fact that Harold can work happily with Tiffani means it's not just Tiffani's fault; it's the combination of Dave and Tiffani that is so toxic, like ammonia and bleach. It's nice that Dave finally told off Tiffani instead of fuming and feeling picked on, but (like Chef Tom) I wish he hadn't thought telling off Tiffani more important than answering Jeffrey's question about their contributions. And as far as that goes, I'm afraid that "I have integrity" is really a nothing answer. Integrity is one of those virtues that means different things to different people, to the point that it doesn't mean anything any more. Two people with integrity in the same situation will make two different choices because they're being true to two different values. Anyway, I don't see what integrity has to do with making people feel happy about their dining experience.

As for Tiffani, she reminds me of hardware engineers who described people skills as "charm school." They thought communication should be a simple mechanical process of exchanging data. Tiffani does better than that, but she tends to see customers as people who need charming, not coworkers. In the kitchen, Tiffani just wants to get the job done. When she told Dave not to cut the onions, she was essentially offering a suggestion -- well, a strong preference. But what Dave heard is, "I don't trust you to do anything right." And that partly comes from Tiffani's sense of her vision being "right" and other ways needing justification. It's a natural tendency. But it's also Tiffani's issue and she needs to take some ownership.

When they got to the judges' table, I suspect Tiffani was willing to let Dave have his say at first. But when he got on his high horse with her, she deliberately provoked him by interrupting. Possibly a tactical move, but I suspect Tiffani is also a nitpicker. Being a nitpicker myself, I recognize the signs. Since Dave accused her of "bashing" him, she wanted specific instances of cause and effect. When he couldn't offer a specific example, that only increased her contempt.

If you want to get Myers-Briggs about it, Dave is pure Feeling and Tiffani is pure Thinking. People at opposites ends of a personality spectrum can work together, but you have to recognize that people are simply different, and that's the way it is. On the one hand, try to recognize what people need from you and provide it. On the other hand, if you're not getting what you need, say so. Overall, Tiffani did a better job of giving Dave his own space, but some compliments along the way would have really helped. It's a minor investment in effort with a big payoff, so why not do it? Dave needs to do a better job of speaking up when things bother him, rather than bottling things up and then exploding. It's good that he expressed himself to Tiffani, but he should have done it over the onions, not at the judges' table.

Mostly I felt sorry for Jeffrey. Travel is exhausting enough without having to deal with Rigid Gal or Overwrought Guy. It's a poor reward for being nice enough to guest judge. But then I googled Jeffrey Chodorow, and it turns out he's essentially a charter member of the Greed is Good club, so now I'm thinking "karma."


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